It’s already February 2020, where on earth has the time gone?!
I’ve been quiet for a little while now, here on the blog and moderately so on social media – for good reason I might add. I’ve pretty much been in and out of hospital for around 6 weeks now and it’s been an all around learning experience – personal and spiritual. There are some things that will challenge you on all fronts and it takes a village to pray you out of it.
Lying in a hospital bed attached to a drip and pretty much unable to do anything gives you a lot of time for introspection. Having all that free head space is not always a good thing, but you have to take the good and release the bad. It takes great determination to choose to look past the physical circumstances and look for hope and a future, but a lot of learning was done in this time.
Given all this free time, I took a look at the space in society I wanted to build, the amount of space I’m allowing social media and the outside world to take up in my life, the future I want to have, the usual goals for the year and then I stopped to ask, “WHY ME?!”
Of all the people on the planet that could be laying in this bed with some “complicated” issue, why did it have to be me? The more I brewed on it, the more frustrated I became with the idea that it was me who had to be poked, prodded, biopsied and had blood drawn from multiple times. The more I thought about it the more frustrated I became with my body and it’s inability to just heal and get it over with so I could get back to life and the more frustrated I became with the lack of answers and random complications.
Let me tell you that no matter how amazing the hospital and the staff are (in this case they really were), laying there with nothing to do can drive a sane person crazy. In all honesty, it’s in those moments of weakness that you start to question God, faith and everything you’ve built your life around. I will say that I’ve been blessed to have family, friends, a boyfriend and church family that have been standing in the gap for me. The lesson I’ve learned is that sometimes in our moments of weakness it takes the nudge of the strong around you to hold you up when your strength isn’t with you anymore. There are a lot of things that I’m terrified of – seriously, check my prayer journal – but there are so many things to be hopeful about. There are so many opportunities that this fresh new year, that each new day holds. There are so many new challenges I’m eagerly waiting to take on.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:32
Holding on to faith is hard sometimes, but even when your heart is filled with doubt, the knowledge that your Creator has created you with a design and purpose in mind is the strongest gravitational pull you need.
What are you hoping for in 2020? Be sure to head over to my Instagram and let me know!